When someone tells me they keep wanting to meditate – or study poker, or get in shape, or stay in touch with their family – but they're not doing it, I ask them one question.
Before I tell you what it is, I want you to pick something. Something you keep saying you want to do but aren’t doing – whether you're forgetting it or just not sticking to it.
Got it?
Okay.
"What are you making more important than that?"
The Exercise That Stops Too Soon
A common (and effective!) exercise I’ve been through and given many times has to do with priorities.
Someone hands you a worksheet. You list what matters most to you. Family. Health. Career. Creativity. Whatever.
Then you compare: where am I in each of these categories versus where I want to be?
Some of these exercises tell you to look at your calendar. Your time tells you your real priorities – not the ones you think you have.
There's truth to that, though it's not a perfect 1:1 correlation. For example, you don't need fifteen hours a week at the gym to genuinely prioritize your health.
As I said, I have found this kind of thing effective, but I also think it stops a little bit too early.
You list your priorities. You see the gap. Maybe you have an epiphany. Maybe you’re a little ashamed. Maybe you get an idea.
You go back to your life. And for most people, without ongoing reflection or support, the same exercise a year later would show the same result.
The question that takes things a step further isn't, “What are my priorities?”
The question is: What am I making more important than what I say is most important?
And even as I write that, I'm thinking about the concept for this draft sitting untouched in my phone for months.
I committed to writing more newsletters this year. This was one of the habits I intended to make a priority. And yet, I am currently waiting until the last minute to write them rather than getting ahead or being regimented.
“I’ve got so many important things to work on,” I say to myself.
And it’s true: I do have a lot of important things to work on – a lot of people waiting for me to reply to emails, create other content, and make decisions.
But that wasn't really the reason, was it?
What was I making more important than writing this?
When the Answer Is Obvious
Sometimes the answer to this question is pretty straightforward.
I'm making my work more important than my family right now.
Okay. Is that the trade-off you want?
Maybe it is. Maybe you're in the middle of building something and this is the season for it. Maybe your family understands and supports it. Maybe you've consciously chosen this for the next six months.
Fine. At least you know. At least it's a choice you're making with your eyes open – not something that's just happening to you.
But sometimes – often, actually – the answer is less acceptable. Less comfortable to say out loud.
I'm making my comfort more important than my health.
I'm making my fear of conflict more important than being honest with my friend.
I'm making looking like I have it together more important than getting my life in order.
And there's one I see a lot with poker players specifically – people who've chosen this unconventional path.
The Story of Freedom
Imagine someone who quits their corporate job to play poker full-time.
They've dreamt about it for years. And after putting some time into it, watching a course or two, stringing together a winning month, they finally feel confident enough to go for it. They put in their notice and begin their life as a pro.
The first few weeks are incredible. They're free. But then results go the other way. They ask their poker friends for advice – tips, tricks, hacks. Someone suggests they build a study schedule. Review hands systematically. Maybe join a group, get coaching, set goals.
And our player thinks: That sounds like a job. That sounds like the thing I left.
So they don't build systems. They don't create structure. Structure is for people who haven't really escaped.
A few more months in, their bankroll is shrinking. They haven't improved.
Meanwhile, the version of them who built the structure is still playing. Still free. Moving up in stakes.
They’re updating their LinkedIn. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
They weren't actually prioritizing freedom.
It could be that they were prioritizing the feeling of freedom. The identity. The story they told themselves: I'm free. I do what I want. I don't have to follow rules.
The feeling of freedom became more important than the reality of it.
Or it could be they were using the story of freedom as an excuse to avoid hard work. They didn’t want to study. They wanted to play, relax, play, travel, repeat. And the discomfort of hard work and studying and schedules – avoiding that is what they were making more important than their success.
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So. What's your answer?
What are you making more important than the thing you said you wanted to do?
The BS Detector
This question won't suddenly make you disciplined. It won't make the hard stuff easier.
But it can make you stop lying to yourself.
Once you've named what you're actually prioritizing – once you've said out loud, even just to yourself, I'm choosing comfort over growth – the old stories don't work as well anymore.
I'm too busy to study more.
I’m too tired to play another session – I might be on my B game.
That's what we might tell ourselves. But if the honest answer is that you're staying comfortable instead of actually pushing yourself? Now you know. You can still make that choice. But you can't pretend it's about something else.
I'm waiting for the right time to get my routine in order and get in shape.
But things never slow down, do they? Meanwhile, you're making comfort today more important than being healthy in five years.
That's a trade-off. Maybe not one you'd consciously make. But it’s the one you’re making.
And this one is similar to my newsletter writing.
What was I making more important than writing this?
I get wrapped up in the excitement of whatever rabbit hole I find myself in – new projects, business decisions, working with students. I enjoy my work when it’s 'on my terms,' and I avoid it when it feels like the homework I used to skip in school.
Much like the player who used the story of freedom as an excuse – I’m using the story of other opportunities being more important as an excuse to avoid doing my homework – homework that I clearly thought was important when I made a commitment to much more of it in 2026.
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Naming what you're actually choosing can feel bad at first.
Great, so I'm the problem.
But it's also good news. Because if it's you, you can do something about it. If it's your obligations, your circumstances, the economy, your genetics – you're stuck.
But if it's you... well, you have a good amount of control over you.
What to Do With This
If your answer to the question is something you'd never consciously choose – fear over actually trying, comfort over health, a story over reality – that's information.
You don't have to change today. But you can stop pretending the obstacle is external.
You can start being honest about the trade-off you're actually making.
And then, when you're ready – whenever that is – you can make a different choice.
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So, what are you making more important than what you say is most important?
Answer honestly. Even if just to yourself.