Look Around The Table: Who’s the Mark?
Mark was an online mid-stakes cash game player in a group coaching program of mine.
One day, in a mastermind hot seat session (where one person shares a challenge and the rest of the group offers feedback), he asked us to help him with a very common challenge: Which poker format to focus on.
Mark was growing pessimistic about his chances at cash games, and he was considering making the move to tournaments.
He explained that edges at cash games seemed to be small. Games would run around one recreational player, and then the table would be filled with pros, a couple better than him, a couple on his level or slightly below.
He’d been on a downswing, and his confidence in his ability to beat those games was fading.
The desire to hop to another format (or business venture — I’ve been guilty of that!) when one isn’t going so well is a common one. It’s a “quick fix,” and it’s easy to see all of the challenges to the format you’re playing in, and to assume the other is rosier than it really is.
As Mark continued to share his thoughts, something became very clear to me. He had a blind spot.
And that’s the topic of today’s post. Let’s get into it!
Making a Read
We all have blind spots — we have to. We need some sort of framework of assumptions and beliefs in order to operate in the world. We can’t rethink everything we know at every decision point!
Blind spots come in many forms.
A while ago, a coach of mine assigned me and the rest of the group I was in a book to read. He wanted us to finish it in a week, because we’d be discussing it next time.
He didn’t know that I hated reading. I never read. I learn best through videos, conversation, and practice.
Books… I don’t know… they were too slow — too boring. My mind would wander, and I couldn’t focus well enough to get anywhere. I truly couldn’t even remember the last time I finished a book, much less in a single week! My coach didn’t realize what he was asking of me.
I debated not doing it, but the peer pressure was enough to push me over the edge. The rest of the group would be reading it and discussing it next week. I didn’t want to disappoint everyone.
So, begrudgingly, I ordered a copy, carved out some time from my busy schedule, and started reading.
15 minutes passed, then 30, then 90. I stopped and came to a realization:
I’m enjoying this!
What was going on?
Was this book great? Meh, it was fine.
Was I proud of myself for reading? I guess… but that’s not it.
What it turned out I loved about it, upon further reflection, was the peace. It felt almost meditative to sit and read.
When I tried reading in the past, I was either a college student or a young poker player. When I finished playing, I’d relax and do whatever I wanted. That’s not my life anymore.
I’m 40. I’m a poker player, coach, ambassador, multi-business owner, husband, and father.
When I “finish” working, I still get emails, I still have problems to think through, or things I wish I’d finished and want to attempt to. I have a son to take care of. I have chores and adulting to deal with.
Taking over an hour to sit and read, blocking everything else out for a bit — a break I rarely gave myself.
I’d been operating under the assumption that I hated reading for 15 years.
Not only did I think I hated reading. I knew I did.
And I knew wrong.
The lesson I took from this experience is that the things we know and think about ourselves (I wanted to write “our priors” but not all of you are nerds) need updating from time to time. And that it’s worth testing something out.
Another Perspective
Sometimes it’s an experience that opens our eyes, like mine above. Other times, it’s a perspective we’d never considered. This is what happened with Mark (who we’ll get back to soon!).
It’s also what happened to me when I was seven years old.
My parents had named me Philip. And during my early years, that's what everyone called me – my family, friends, teachers – until second grade.
That year, my teacher, Miss Wood, decided to call me Phil. I don’t know why, and I certainly never told her to because I hadn’t even considered being Phil.
But then some classmates started calling me Phil, and pretty soon I realized “I like this better.”
From age seven onward, I've been Phil.
And sometimes you get someone else’s perspective even when you’re not involved.
I remember an Elliot Roe mastermind event I went to that really changed my perspective on perspective!
What struck me so much about it is that, while I got plenty of valuable feedback on my topic, I actually learned much more by others sharing their own.
I changed my perspective on a poor assumption I’d made about what life would look like for me a couple of decades down the road, once I’d “accomplished all I wanted to.” Next, by seeing how a multi-business owner structured their week in a unique way, I realized a better way to structure my work to be conducive to playing poker. And the list goes on.
Who’s the Mark?
This is why self-reflection alone isn’t enough. Or, I should say, isn’t the best you can do.
And this is why Mark’s realization was one that he couldn’t make on his own.
What was clear to me as I heard Mark speak was that he had put himself in a box with a level of certainty that wasn’t close to warranted. So, I asked Mark a simple question:
“Why can’t you become the best player at the table?”
Mark paused. I could see him thinking. And even as he started answering, his brain was still catching up.
Mark had taken it as fact that every table he plays at will have a couple of players better than him, chipping away at whatever edge he might have. He’d never considered — or at least hadn’t anytime in the past 10 years — that he could be a top player in his player pool.
But what made these top players untouchable?
What if he could become the best at the table and they became the Mark?
This is what I challenged him to consider. And, since I got the benefit of continuing to work with him and seeing some of his progress, I got to see the difference it made.
Questioning one assumption changed his entire outlook, his level of motivation, and his confidence at and away from the table.
What Story Are You Telling Yourself?
Mark’s story is a common one. I’ve struggled with something similar, as I wrote a while back.
I once convinced myself I couldn't compete in the post-solver era of poker. I was a "figure-outer," not a studier or memorizer. I assumed that the new era belonged to players with different strengths than mine. That assumption could have cost me so much had I not found the right people to push me on it.
What imaginary box have you put yourself in? What assumptions might be holding you back right now?
Maybe, like Mark, you've mentally placed yourself in a hierarchy where you'll always be outmatched by certain players. Maybe, like me, you've decided that certain aspects of the game are beyond your capabilities. Or maybe you're assuming that some part of your current approach is the only one that could possibly work for you.
What I can guarantee is that there are several stories you tell yourself that aren't true.
Whatever your unseen assumptions might be, finding them often requires an external perspective. It requires putting yourself in environments where others can help you see what you can't.
The most powerful breakthroughs in poker – and in life – often come not from fine-tuning our skills, but from questioning the assumptions we didn't even realize we were making. When we shed these limitations, we don't just improve incrementally – we unlock entirely new levels of possibility.
Level Up Faster
I hope this has opened your eyes to the power of uncovering your hidden assumptions. I hope it encouraged you to make time for reflection: both self-reflection and reflection from others.
If you want to fast-track this leveling up, and learn from me and experts like Elliot Roe, Brian Rast, Blake Eastman, Scott Seiver, and many more, I'm hosting the BTG: World Series Summit in Las Vegas from May 26th-28th.
In addition to bringing together some incredible people to learn from, I designed the event to help you ask yourself the right questions and to open you up to new perspectives. We’ll be doing small group mastermind sessions along with speakers, panels, and a whole lot more.
Learn more and reserve your spot
I hope to see you there. Either way, I’ll see you again here next week.
